Dear American Idol Season 9,
WTF?!?
Love,
Bridget
aka Token White Girl
Fast and up front, I will admit that I have not religiously followed American Idol since Season 2. The year was 2003, Big Boy Ruben Studdard was the show's winner, but pocket sized sprite Clay Aiken (aka Lucky Charms) was the show's winner. (That was NOT a typo.) Since then, I've had better things to do. Like read. And clean the bathroom. But this year, I've decided to get back in touch with my ab fave perpetually bored and brutally honest Brit, Simon Cowell, as well as down an extra daily dose of my wicked funny homegirl Ellen D. (Big ups to my dawg RJ, too. Word.) However, season 9 is offering far from America's best.
The song choices this season have been boring (that's putting it mildly) and long past their expiration date. The bulk of contestants themselves are likened to the cast of your average local dinner theater, where Jean Val Jean serves up the dry chicken before he takes the stage. Tonight's episode, was painfully, rather-have-a-root-canal AWFUL. There were more wish-I-had-a-vodka-soda-to-go-with-this-craptastic-karaoke-in-a-rundown-bar performances than there were of truly solid, vote worthy brand. So, that's what we will focus on, kids. The vote worthy. Because if I have to relive those flat, off-key, pitchless nightmares over again... well, let's just say, there's not enough Ativan on this side of the galaxy for that.
Partiality be damned, Crystal Bowersox is my absolute fave. Tonight she and her six string took on Janis Joplin's "Me & Bobby McGee." There is little to say about Crystal, because while she emanates that Joplin vibe (Crystal kinda even looks like Janis!), she makes every performance honestly hers and tonight was no exception. Week after week, Crystal has been the contestant I most look forward to seeing, and once again she was AI's brightest spot tonight. Love her. Can't wait for her album.
Another consistently bright spot on Idol is 16 year old country star in the making, Aaron Kelly. Reminiscent in tone of Rascal Flatts' Gary LeVox, his youth is surprisingly not a factor into his time on the stage. It's not hard to close your eyes and see this kid at the top of Nashville's charts. Tonight Aaron spun is charming twang into a fairly decent rendition of Aerosmith's mega-smash "I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing." While it wasn't his best performance (we're guessing that he was a lil' nervous with Miley Cyrus in the audience), Aaron still made tonight's episode of American Idol that much more tolerable.
It's no secret that Casey James is uber easy on the eyes, but it's just as clear that Casey is much more than eye candy. While the 25 year old Huey Lewis song he chose, "The Power of Love," was wicked dated, Casey actually pulled it off, nearly matching Huey's warm, raspy quality. And dude is mad crazy on his electric guitar. (By the way, WTF is up with all the damn guitars this season?!?) While it didn't drive us to the edge of our reclining sofa seat with excitement, it was a save in an otherwise dull evening.
I also have a soft spot for Lee Dewyze, but I can't saw that I "got" his performance tonight. Lee chose The Box Top's "The Letter." A Memphis bluesy rock band, The Box Tops lost lead singer Alex Chilton last Wednesday, March 17, so we're assuming that Lee's song choice was an ode to Alex. But, really? REALLY? You have millions of people watching you, you've got a great voice that is this Nickelback-Hinder hybrid, and you chose a little known 1960s blues song, when you can chose ANY Billboard #1 EVER? REALLY? Again, we're back to the song choices, kids. YAWN. Randy loved it, but we weren't so thrilled, dawg.
Yeah. And that is all the positive I can recall from tonight's show. There was not a lot to get you to pick up the BlackBerry and vote this evening. Even fan fave BIG Mike Lynche left us feeling underwhelmed and unfulfilled with his rather standard version of the ol' standard "When A Man Loves A Woman." BO-RING! How many times will the judges-- and viewers-- have to hammer the need for BETTER song choice into the collective season 9 head?!? Every week we're hoping for a better week. And if that better week doesn't happen soon, FOX is going to have to rename the show "American Crapfest." And I'm going to have to find some fresh reading material.
Oh, and I'm thinking this summer's American Idol Tour might not be so hot.
Who we could stand to see go home this week: Paige Miles (Save it for church! 'Cause apparently that's where you left it!) and Tim Urban (Alright already! He should have stayed home. So, he's Zac Effron-ish. Get over it already. And stop letting the 12 year olds near the damn phone!)
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